tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2502176161456143914.post4486363121007579166..comments2024-03-08T09:09:27.748-05:00Comments on Tara Tyler Talks: GUTGAA SPP #32 - Bound and BrokenTara Tylerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07587802105993889515noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2502176161456143914.post-62236547361770077092012-10-01T19:16:26.745-04:002012-10-01T19:16:26.745-04:00I liked the premise, I thought your query was stro...I liked the premise, I thought your query was strong, and I was pulled in by your first 150 words. All that in spite of having vampire burn-out. I've been through every entry now and I can say, you have my vote! Good luck!Slave to the Musenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2502176161456143914.post-2277585039484308512012-10-01T18:14:46.449-04:002012-10-01T18:14:46.449-04:00Hey a couple of things you may want to look at her...Hey a couple of things you may want to look at here:<br /><br />One, you probably don't need to name anyone other than the Hero and Heroine, so use a moniker to describe Mara - 'maker' 'his mistress', etc. You don't need Tyr at all.<br /><br />Two - you need to have the second paragraph from the Hero's perspective. Look at your structure for your first paragraph: A history, a catalyst, a new goal. Do this for him:<br /><br />A century ago Sergei walked out on his maker. Now she's back and determined to have him again. Sergei ... give us a goal or a stake he has. Loose his life? Loose his free will? Knows the torture he'll under go? <br /><br /><br />Again, make this from Sergei POV. <br />Starved and beaten by his mistress for a week, Sergei's on the edge of death unless he can ... <br /><br />Don't make this an AND, make it a separate sentence and make sure you show what they think will happen if they don't succeed. Torment isn't enough here: Loose soul? Gain control of her power? This final stake needs to be higher: <br />fighting two ancient vampires determined to torment them both.... <br /><br />One more thought, about your first 150: You given us a lot of reasons why she *shouldn't* open the door, so many reasons that I'm wonder why the heck she does. So you might want to add a reason why or else I'm thinking she's not someone I'd care to read much more about. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03752960509531447848noreply@blogger.com