Adult LGBT/Historical Fiction
54,000 Words
Query
The year is 1865. Frank Greerson and Gregory Young have been discharged from the Army and are headed to their childhood homes.. They defied their parents in 1861 when they joined the Army. After battling southern rebels and preserving the Union of the United States of America, the two men set out to battle the Kansas Prairie and build a life together. Once they find their claim, they encounter common obstacles to life on the Kansas Prairie in 1866: Native Americans, tornadoes, wild animals, and weather. They help neighbors build shelters and harvest crops.
When a prairie fire destroys their crops and takes their neighbor’s lives, Frank and Gregory are instructed to find their son’s aunt. Faced with leaving a destroyed claim, the railroad coming through their land, and dwindling funds, Frank and Gregory must decide whether to leave the place they've worked hard to make their own or fulfill their friends' dying wish.
First 150
Frank Greerson figured his words would clear his parent's dining room that morning, and they did. His mother herded her grandchildren and their dishes into the kitchen. His sister-in-law cleared the adults' dishes and escorted his sister out of the room. All it took was a glare from his father for Frank's brother to take the two adult men with them. As Gregory Young stood up, he glanced across the table at Frank. Frank nodded his head slightly to indicate to Gregory it was all right for him to leave the room with everybody. Frank had to do this on his own.Frank’s father, Paul Greerson, took a deep breath before he spoke. “Son, I know I can’t stop you from leaving, but I am going to do everything in my power to talk you out of this.”Frank didn’t look up from his plate. “Sir, I’m going to Kansas and you can’t stop me."
Great opening line for your first chapter! That said, I think you could make your query even stronger by dropping that first line. Later you mention that it's 1866, which I think is enough for an agent or editor to place your setting. I also feel that paragraph would end stronger if you drop the last line as well:
ReplyDelete"Frank Greerson and Gregory Young have been discharged from the Army and are headed to their childhood homes.. They defied their parents in 1861 when they joined the Army. After battling southern rebels and preserving the Union of the United States of America, the two men set out to battle the Kansas Prairie and build a life together. Once they find their claim, they encounter common obstacles to life on the prairie in 1866: Native Americans, tornadoes, wild animals, and weather."
I'll be voting later so check back to see if you get another comment from me!
Given the era in which this takes place and the fact that the genre is listed as LGBT fiction, I'm rather surprised (and pleasantly so) that the MCs appear to be little-g gay characters. Obviously they are going to face civil rights and discrimination issues, but I love how you didn't just drag us through that expected territory. If the book follows this example, you might also find it more effective in shining a light on the difficulties they face because of their orientation as well.
ReplyDeleteVery well done.