Title: FINDERS KEEPERS
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Word Count: 82,000
Query
After a near-miss with a nervous breakdown, Brenna Moriarity gave up magic, and her life has been much easier without it, thank you very much. And it's not like she's wanting for things to keep her busy. Between her duties as an on-air radio personality, hitting up Seattle’s clubs with her friends, avoiding a tyrannical coven leader, and keeping away from her delicious boss, there’s no time for practicing the craft.
But her gift won’t let her go so easily. See, Brenna can find things when no one else can. Things that may be better off lost.
Unbeknownst to Brenna, her best friend and fellow witch, Jared, steals Merwyn's Ruby, a gem so powerful that in the hands of a lesser witch, it can control the user, instead of the other way around. Brenna's on the verge of having to leave town to avoid joining the local coven, and he thinks if she can wield the ruby, the coven leader will have to leave her alone and she won't have to move. His plan dies a quick death when someone steals it from him. Now he’s desperate to get it back, and Brenna’s the only one who can help him.
Having a gem as dangerous and seductive as Merwyn's Ruby loose in the city is bad enough. Having it fall into the wrong hands would be even worse. Trapped by love and loyalty to her friend, Brenna agrees to help, even though the search may rip her sanity to shreds.
First 150
“No.”
“Brenna, come on. When have I ever led you wrong?”
I scowled at the wall, wishing Jared was in front of me instead of on the other end of the phone. I wanted him to see my face. “How about more often than not?”
“Look, just because there was that one time the spirit got loose and wrecked your mom’s pantry--”
“And the time where I had to go searching through your ex-girlfriend’s bedroom. And the time we had to break into the school. And the time you lost your keys at that party, only to remember you’d lent them to your brother, leading him to get in the accident...” Shit. Should not have gone there. “Jer, I’m sorry.”
The line was quiet except for the faint background noises on Jared’s end of the phone. “‘S okay, Bren. That was pure stupidity on my part.”
I loved your query! It had lots of voice and I felt like I knew exactly what to expect from your manuscript. Good job! On a personal note, I was recently chided by an editor for opening my first chapter with dialogue. One to two paragraphs that set the scene would go a long way here. And remember to give that first line a great hook! I'll be casting my votes later, so check back to see if you get another comment from me!
ReplyDelete