Thursday, July 12, 2012

Mr. R

This is an entry for Chuck Wendig's flash fiction challenge this week...a modern day fairytale.

Mr. R

"I'm telling you, Gloria, Mr. R is a wonderful father, no matter what everyone says."

Leaving the dungeon rooms of the most despised resident at Castle Arms, the two maids rode the service elevator with their cart to the tenth floor.

"I don't know, Sheila. He doesn't seem like the home schooling type."

"It's better than being spoiled in the penthouse by that glam mother of his. She'd ship him off to boarding school."

Choosing adjoining rooms, they parked and began their cleaning routine.  

"True."  

"Course it is. He'd be a snobby little prince! Mr. R has a kind heart if you look past his unfortunate facial disfigurement."    

"He's a troll! Got something up his rear, too, if you asked me. I deliver things to him all the time and he never so much as says thank you."  

"You'd be grumpy too if everyone shuddered or steered clear of you when you walked down the street. And he used to be handsome."
 
"Never!"
 
"I know the truth. My dear uncle, God rest his soul, worked for Mr. R when he was younger. Had a nice textile business."
 
"Must have been a long time ago."
 
"Ten years. Mr. R was generous, smart, and kind. Could've had any girl he wanted. But he chose her." Sheila nodded upstairs as the girls picked up supplies from the cart.
 
"Everyone loves the Princess."
 
"Bah! They love her money! But she loved him. Until her father, the Kingpin found out."
 
"Oh, no!"
 
"Yes. Kingpin arranged for an accident. That's how come Mr. R looks like he does, poor soul."
 
"But didn't he steal her baby?"
 
As they pushed the cart to the next set of rooms, Sheila leaned in and whispered.
 
"It's his." Gloria stopped short.
 
"Never!"
 
"Truth. So Kingpin snagged the heir to the Tire Palace and setup a shotgun wedding because the Princess was carrying Mr. R's babe!"
 
Plastering on smiles for a passing family, the girls clammed up. When the hall was  clear, Gloria put her hands on her hips.
 
"I knew it!"
 
"When her husband found out the kid wasn't his, he made her choose. Dump the kid to be rich with him or keep it and lose everything."
 
Gloria covered her mouth and her eyes popped open.
 
"No!"
 
"The selfish wench called Mr. Rumplestiltskin the same hour and gave him the little cherub."

14 comments:

Candilynn Fite said...

Much fun, Tara!! Great one. :)

Mina Burrows said...

Very cute. And original too. Well done!

Jemi Fraser said...

That's so much fun! Love the revelation of the name at the end :)

Victoria Lindstrom said...

Delightful post, Tara!

J. A. Bennett said...

That ending was brilliant! I love it. You are too cool for school, miss :)

Jenna Bird said...

Oh, gotta love that fairy tale gossip!

nutschell said...

how fun! love how the entire story was done in a "gossipy" fashion:)
Nutschell
www.thewritingnut.com

M Pax said...

I really enjoyed reading this Tara. I could see the maids going about their business and gossipping. Well done.

mshatch said...

Ha! Loved this :)

Leigh Covington said...

HA! Brilliant Tara! Love the dialogue between the two. :)

LD Masterson said...

Oh yeah, that was a good one.

Tara Tyler said...

thanks, guys! i appreciate you reading it!

mshatch said...

I'd cut the mention of teleportation and the fact that people have died as a result in the first paragraph and introduce these facts in the paragraph where Cooper discovers these things.

And I think you need to condense the last paragraph. It feels like there's too much going on even though I know what you're talking about takes place over a hundred or more pages.

lastly, consider submitting your query to Matt McNish's QQQE - he's awesome at helping make queries shine.

BJ Kerry said...

love your gossipy maids.
great fun story.