Monday, September 5, 2011

The Waiting Room

The new challenge is here! The new challenge is here! (guess the movie)

Welcome Campaigners! and other treasured guests! Today is the first challenge for the campaign. Our lovely hostess, Rachael Harrie, has given us a fun prompt. We write a 200 word flash fiction starting with "The door swung open." An extra challenge is to close with "the door swung shut." And even better to keep it at exactly 200 words, not including the title. Done, done, and done! Relate and enjoy =)
And if you like, you can vote for me at the linky link.


The Waiting Room

The door swung open and the nurse called another name not mine. My shoulders sag as I pretend to read a dated People magazine.

I don’t know why I come early. No matter what time I arrive, I always wait at least fifteen minutes. Why do I torture myself coming here anyway? There’s nothing wrong with me.

I glance around at the other waiters. None of us wants to be here. We all dread sitting on a paper covered exam table, wrapped in paper, exposed, waiting some more to let an almost complete stranger poke our most private possessions. We are a sick society.

I’d check my emails, but we are supposed to turn off our cell phones. What is the point? No one pays attention to that rule. Just once I’d like to see what happens if everyone got on their cell phones at the same time. Will the power go out? Will the medical monitors scramble and receive alien transmissions?

After twenty minutes and several other lucky victims have gone, a nurse announces my name. I plaster on my “it’s about time” smile and follow her to the scale. My verdict awaits. Behind me, the door swung shut.

52 comments:

Angela Scott said...

I hate strangers poking my private possessions too. The worst.

Well written. I loved it. The different takes on the same sentence fascinates me. So fun.

Love your blog. We're not in the same campaigner group, but oh well, I joined anyway :)

elizabethanne said...

This rings so true -- and it begs for a sequel. (Yes, that can be construed as a hint.)

Jennifer Groepl said...

"No matter what time I arrive the wait is always at least 15 minutes." So true! lol

Anonymous said...

Of course you know that I will know the name of the movie, " The Jerk"

The waiting room, so true.

Hey, only 5 more and you have 200, as if you didn't know.
mom

1000th.monkey said...

I'm notoriously early for everything... so this definitely rang true. Though, I would be on my phone checking email ;)

Christine Rains said...

That was great! I think we all feel that sitting in the waiting room.

Theresa Milstein said...

"...complete stranger poke our most private possessions." I'm not a big fan of that either!

Good waiting room mood you captured.

My only suggestion is to put the whole thing in past tense to match the "swung" in the prompt.

Alleged Author said...

I've always wondered what would happen if everyone got on their cell phones as well!

Heather M. Gardner said...

Great job! Can I vote if I didn't join the campaign?
HMG

Erin L. Schneider said...

No one wants a stranger poking around at their private possessions - love it!

Great submit and what a fun challenge!

Heather M. Gardner said...

I think it let me vote!
Yeah!
You are 4 peeps from 200 my friend! You better dust off those badges you made!
HMG

Abby said...

LOL! This is great! Ah man, the dreaded moment of getting private possessions poked. Its not right! Well done!

Angela Orlowski-Peart said...

Fascinating! I wonder why she "keeps coming there" and what is this clinic about?
Great story.

AveryMarsh said...

Nicely done. I can so relate, except that everyone at my doctor's office ignores the no cell phone rule. But that's their fault for not providing dated People magazines for us to thumb through. ;)

allie said...

Yes. I'm with you too on the complete stranger with their poking! Nicely thought out and written. It's almost as if they make you wait on purpose.

Ruth Hartman Berge said...

The poking of private possessions is a great line! Love the story!

Donna K. Weaver said...

Oh, those dratted girlie exams. Ugh. Great job! Loved the social commentary.

Tara Tyler said...

You all are awesome! Glad I'm not the only one that doesn't like the poking and prodding =)
And I've enjoyed all the different stories and blogs - the campaign is off to a great start!

HMG - THANKS, GF!

christyfarmer said...

I love the attention to detail. Yes, they always have a dated People magazine :-)

bridgetstraub.com said...

I avoid theses situations as best i can. Well done, you had me sitting there with you. Mine is #72

Angie Cothran said...

Love it Tara :) You perfectly captured that dreaded visit.

julie fedderson said...

I work in the medical field, and I've been a patient, so I completely loved this. Doesn't matter who you are, we are all equal in the waiting room.

Jodi Su said...

"wrapped in paper"...so vulnerable and hating it! great details! :)

Stacy S. Jensen said...

Tara, I'm stopping by to let you know your story was one of my top 5 in this challenge. So, your story will advance to stage 2 in this challenge. Good luck. - Stacy

Madeleine said...

Nice take on the theme. Original! :O)

Christine Fonseca said...

Great job... love the "it's about time" smile comment. I can so relate!

Sheri L. Swift said...

Can certainly relate to those awful doctor/hospital visits.

D.J. Kirkby said...

Hah, good questions! I have often wondered the same during those long waits.

Tara Tyler said...

more great comments! thanks so much!

Stacy! me? Top five? Wicked!

David Powers King said...

"We are a sick society."

That made me snort! Ain't it the truth?

What an excellent short on waiting rooms. Very true to life. Love it! :)

Maeve Frazier said...

Loved it! So true to life!

Lady Gwen said...

I totally see it - hate that damn white paper you have to sit/lay on! New follower and fellow campaigner here!

MISH said...

Lovely detail in your piece TTT ~ and you captured the essence of the "dreaded" visit !

Nadja Notariani said...

This had me laughing...I can laugh about it now, anyway.
We (my two youngest sons and myself - when they were three & two years old) once sat for three & a half hours at our doctor's office before being sent to see a specialist (we only waited about half an hour there)because my three year old decided to put a tiny, purple, metal bead into his ear...(left on the floor courtesy of my two teen-aged daughters). His picture (and that bead) hang on the ENT's 'Wall Of Shame' to this day. Your story hit many a mom's nerves I'll bet! Nice entry. ~ Nadja

Doreen said...

Oh how very realistic...
I suppose we have all been there!

Rhonda @Laugh Quotes said...

Congrats on your first challenge. Love the story, and like you I hate paper tables, the waiting and the exam. :)

kmckendry said...

Very good. I hate having to go to the doctor!

Steph Sinkhorn said...

Ugh, I know that waiting room feeling. Bleh.

Patricia T. said...

Loved your story -- I think we al know that feeling and wonder why we're there. Well done!

Miranda Hardy said...

How we can all relate to this story. lol I love that "private possesions" line. Great job!

Alica McKenna Johnson said...

I hate waiting! Great story

Carrie Butler said...

This is fantastic! I think everyone can relate. :D

Kimberly said...

This is so familiar. Great writing.

Tessa Conte said...

Oh yea. Shades of doctor visits, indeed.

Nicely portrayed, my dear!

T.x

Elisabeth said...

Liked the first person writing!

K.T. Hanna said...

I echo this sentiment strongly. I'm not fond of doctors, but I always arrive early

junebug said...

After 9 years of infertility, I'm used to other people being invited in and cocktails being served as they mill around my privates. (roll eyes) You are right the magazines are always dated. Great way to show the annoyance factor of doing something we are not fond of but have to do.

Bryce Daniels said...

Well, I can't say I can relate, but I WILL say I loved the voice in this piece! Great job, Tara!

Elaine AM Smith said...

Waiting rooms make excellent subjects for short stories. You made the wait in paper sound painfully true. :)

Roy Station said...

It made me laugh because you created the situation spot on. These things, we just have to grin and bare. Very well done.

Mina Burrows said...

Totally been there, but I usually have a longer wait. Very well done.

KSCollier said...

So hate doctors' offices. What a familiar feeling. Enjoyed your story. Great job.