Monday, May 16, 2011

Kick start Monday

Two contests and a flash plus a meme!
Barbara at Brainstorms & Bylines brought two interesting contests to light.
First is the Real Simple's 4th Annual Life Lessons Essay Contest
Second is the 2011 Family Circle Fiction Contest

Another MeMe on Monday because I like finding new friends. Thanks to Java for the questions and the linky link! (join in if you like)

1) crunchy or smooth peanut butter - smooooooth
2) favorite color rose - antique
3) do you remove your shoes when you enter your house? yes, I don't live in a barn (oh, wait that's shutting the door)
4) what is your favorite season? Fall, my bday, cooler weather, school starts, great holidays
5) how many hours a day do you spend blogging? I'd say two or three (do I have a problem?)

And here is my AW Flash Fiction challenge from the prompt "fat"

 
I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

I lie awake night after night just staring, wondering why I'm here. The heat and this brace around my middle make it impossible to sleep. My fists clench and unclench on my sheet at the sides of my bed. I’m soaked from perspiration. After the first couple of nights I counted the speckles on the ceiling tiles. Now I think of ways to torture Patty, the drill sergeant aerobics instructor.

Yesterday, Frank lost it. He bulldozed the skinny counselor, Mindy, and crashed through the cafeteria line. We all cheered at first. Then Mona and me were grossed out by the way his chubby mitts shoveled the tasteless, low-fat oatmeal into his mouth like a machine in a factory. His desperate, sweaty face and his bulging, crazed eyes gave me the creeps. With oatmeal dripping from his chin he looked like a rabid dog. It took five guys to maneuver him out of there and strap him to his bed. We found out later that he broke little Mindy’s arm and she swallowed her whistle. I couldn’t help but laugh thinking that now she’ll tweet every time she coughs.

If only they’d turn on the air conditioner. Carol said it was tough here, but bearable and totally worth it. She did look great when she came back. And she even turned down celebration cake. From her own coming home party! After so many fails at stupid diets, I decided to try it.

But it’s torture! It’s psychological abuse! No contact outside, exhausting exercise, no entertainment. And I’ve been here for two weeks and only lost five pounds! Mona seems to be doing good. She’s been here a week longer and lost about 20. Carol lost 100 in 8 weeks! I don’t understand. Maybe I’m just meant to be fat.

I finally drift off to sleep with images of tying Patty into a pretzel and salting her up…

***

“I thought she’d never fall asleep. We need to give her a bigger Mickey tomorrow night.”

“Yeah. She’ll never reach her goal weight at this rate. Ok, Patty, turn it on.”

The buzz of the liposuction machine was drowned out by the hypnotic tape of a soothing, melodic voice.

“Sugar is your enemy. You will never eat it again. It makes you want to vomit. You love vegetables. You will tell your friends about Heavenly Hills Weight Loss Clinic…”

12 comments:

Sharon Sullivan-Craver said...

Oh my goodness Tara--
I am rolling. As I said you keep me laughing and smiling. Thank you.

Dana said...

Love your stories--you always include an unexpected twist at the end. Happy Monday!

allison said...

I LOVE crunchy peanut butter! And I take my shoes off in my house, only because I hate shoes. I take them off at work, too! And I'm with you in Fall - my birthday, cooler weather, anticipation of the holidays coming (but still far enough away that I don't have to *do* anything about them!)

My word verification is "colodwo" - how a 3 year old pronounces the state.

Laura Josephsen said...

Ahh! It sounds like a comedic horror movie. I don't know whether to LOL or to be all O_O.

Great job with the writing. :D

Donna @ The House on the Corner said...

Hmmmm....where is Heavenly Hills and how do I sign up ;-)

Carolyn Arnold said...

lol very cute ;)

Jo-anne "Blossy" said...

Spring is my favourite season but Autumn is a close second :)
Have a great week!

Julie said...

Too funny! Nice to meet you as well.

jennifer @ what would jen do said...

thanks for stopping by today!
antique roses, thanks for reminding me, those are my favorite!! I always say cream, but that's not right.

Tara Tyler said...

Sharon - so sweet =)
Thanks, Dana & Carolyn!
Allison - thanks for your answers! and ha ha ha to your wv def!
Laura - guess it's dark humor?
Donna - wouldn't that be nice? no pain and gain? well, some pain
Jo-Anne & Julie & Jennifer - thanks for stopping by! I enjoyed playing in the meme today!

Joyce Lansky said...

If only a hypnotic suggestion like that would work . . . and I'd quit eating that smooth peanut butter.

Joyce
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

Julie said...

I loved reading this story, your writing is so clever!

It was fun reading your MeMe answers too, I didn't know about this, cute! I'm really hungry for smooth peanut butter now LOL.

Thanks for sharing the contest links, I'm looking into both, they look like great contests. Thanks again! :)