Friday, May 27, 2011

Tension? Give me More!

Even tho I missed the boat for this contest by Rachel Morgan that Ellie squeaked into - darn time difference - I wanted to put up a tension teaser anyway. You had to post a tense 300 word scene from a WIP. My techno thriller, Pop Travel, is loaded w/em, it's a thriller! Here is the part where MC Cooper and tagalong undercover agent, Geri, meet the Creator of pop travel...

YES!!! Hasan rejoiced in his head at the sound. He kept a straight face, pretending nothing had happened. He casually stretched and got up off the couch. He went over to a camera and spoke to it, “I’m going to sit in the stairwell. I hate being watched.” Hasan did this frequently when he wanted a break from his work. He despised being spied on.

He went to the door and walked out. He put a finger to his lips to keep Cooper and Geri quiet until the door shut.

When it latched, he raised his hands. “Welcome! My friends! You’ve come to save me, right?” he announced and hugged them both.

“Save you?” Cooper questioned.

“Don’t you want to know who we are?” Geri asked.

“That’s not important now. Just get me out of here. We don’t have much time!” he said and dashed to the bottom of the stairs.

“Wait! We aren’t here to rescue you. I came to talk to you about pop travel,” Cooper tried to explain as they took their hesitant time descending after him.

“Why do you need to be rescued?” Geri asked.

“Look. I’ll explain everything when we are safely away from here. So if you want to talk to me, you’ll have to help me escape. I hope you have a getaway plan because Keener and Vincent are in your secret tunnel.”

Hasan and Geri both looked expectantly at Cooper.

“I’ve been winging it for days now. I’m open to suggestions. How about the back door?”

“It’s under surveillance. But it will have to do. We need to get to the transport house,” Hasan told them. He had a couple of ideas. He had been planning multiple ways to escape for the past year.

“What about the laser fencing?” Cooper asked.

(after reading it again, I can see a few minor things I want to edit when I get to it...always room for improvement!)

6 comments:

Heather M. Gardner said...

I'm a few posts behind.

Congrats on the honorable mention. I think that is fantastic!

Let me know how that new forum thing works out for you and maybe I stalk you there too.

I really like your logline/blurb summary. I would read your book based on that. I like that Cooper is reclusive. Will that make him cranky and moody? I do like cranky and moody.

As soon as I saw the name Cooper I thought of Bradley Cooper because he is very popular right now. Very hot too. I may not get that image out of my head now.

I have skipped the bio part of the query letter, perhaps to my detriment. Since I don't have any writing credits or college experience to speak of I haven't tried to come up with anything else.
I thought what you wrote was very sincere and informative about you.

I do like this scene that you posted. I would keep reading to find out what is going on.

Please forgive my long winded comment but I didn't want to miss anything!

Have a good Memorial Day weekend.

Ellie Garratt said...

"What about the laser fencing?” Cooper asked. You saved the best until last! I was already thinking who are these people? Why is Cooper that way? Then I read about the laser fencing and I was well and truly hooked. Great scene that oozes tension throughout.

Loved it!

MISH said...

I like this scene ~ it's upbeat and full of tension ~ it also keeps the reader's interest ... you want to find out more ...

Cathy said...

Okay, you had me with the logline, now this ... I've got to read this book. So, bloggy break's over back to work ;)

C.R. Ward said...

This really is a teaser! You've really got me hooked! Hurry up and get this published so I can buy a copy! :-)

Tara Tyler said...

You guys are great spirit boosters! I'm very anxious to get it published too!

And Heather - thanks for the extra comments. I seem to be falling behind on everything and I have no good excuse...

Thanks to all for taking time to comment!