Monday, October 1, 2012

GUTGAA SPP #18 - From Halvmane's Shore

From Halvmane's Shore
Adult Fantasy
80,000

Query:

Perhaps once he changes the course of history, Andren can let go of his self-loathing.

In the recent past, Prince Andren fell victim to a curse that turned him into a monster. Fortunately he'd already won the heart of Eiva, a canny sorceress, and she lifts the spell. Choked by the evil things he did during his transformation, he flees to the mainland. What he finds there are different races and nations all living in poverty and fear, victims of their ruthless dragon emperor.

Andren is outraged. He makes it his goal to unite the nations--who so far have been bent on quarreling with one another--in war, and take out the most powerful being in the known world. At a time where guns are being invented and dragons are losing their magic, perhaps Andren can end the dragon age and start the age of man.

First 150 Words:

Andren smiled politely for hundreds of guests, being the good prince he was supposed to. They cheered, but then of course they cheered, they were drunk. That and they didn't know what he'd done, no matter how much they liked to think they did. Blood was on his hands. His smile faltered, but no one noticed. They kept cheering. He took a drink from his silver goblet to give himself an excuse to break eye contact with the crowd.

“Hear, hear,” cried Alrik, who was standing next to Andren. He took a drink as well, and everyone else in the dining hall followed suit. “Yes, we're all very glad he survived. When the Fallen took him a few months ago, I was grieved that I'd lost the last of my family. I thought surely Deus had cursed me, that I would live alone. But with the fall of the Fallen he has returned my brother to me, and I am eternally grateful.”

4 comments:

Slave to the Muse said...

Strong writing and a solid premise! I liked your voice. A little something to strengthen Andren as the tortured protag in the query might juice it up a bit. Maybe a hint at specific atrocities he committed?
I'll be voting later so check back to see if I leave another comment! Good luck!

Heather M Bryant said...

Love the query, especially the last line - very subtle way of giving the time period.

The only thing I stumbled over was the line "then of course they cheered" etc. Maybe just by taking out the word 'then' it won't require a reread?

Good Luck :)

Laura Stephenson said...

Thanks for the feedback, both of you!

Rose Cardinal said...

An interesting concept, that promises a great story. The opening set a tone that I didn't quite expect from the query though. Still, it was a good opening, strongly written. You made my short list.