GHOSTS DON'T WEAR SILK STOCKINGS
FANTASY PARANORMAL
70,666
QUERY:
Brianna Halloway aches for marriage and happily ever after but what she gets is one smokin' hot demon who promises immortality, a moody ghost who complains about her choices, and an ex-boyfriend who refuses to drop dead. Ghosts Don't Wear Silk Stockings is a paranormal suspense novel with a light-hearted approach to dating in a world where it feels like everything goes wrong. It is a bit of Stephen King meets Janet Evanovich and is targeted to the 20-something and 30-something female audience.
Dating to Brianna means finding out the man of her dreams isn't actually human and the family she believes is nothing short of ordinary actually harbors a secret curse from the days of the Salem witch trials which returns
to haunt Brianna just like the ghost named Greer who shows up at every inopportune moment. Brianna wants to say yes to Dan's proposal but first she'll have to endure losing her job, her apartment, and running from the violent ex-boyfriend that has returned from the dead with a vendetta to make her pay for choosing Dan over him. In the process, she'll learn that she actually holds the key to stopping two evil people from unleashing a flurry of demons into the human world.
FIRST 150 WORDS:
Dan Parker was six feet three inches and his own brand of delicious evil. Brianna Halloway had fallen for the wrong guy before. She'd been mixed up with married men, tangled in deceptive webs of womanizers and she'd even come across a few men that didn't know the proper way to treat a lady. But never in all her years had she come across anything supernatural. Dan was a first in that department.
He lit a cigarette and gave her a sultry stare. He was still sitting in her bed, a sheet pulled just high enough to cover a perfect set of toned legs. His chiseled chest sprouted dark hair mingled with the occasional grey sprout that gave him an air of distinction. His dark Mediterranean skin echoed memories of pictures she'd seen in a magazine of gods. He was handsome; there was little doubt of that. He was more than handsome, he was
drop dead gorgeous.
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6 comments:
I don't generally like romances, but I like where this one is going. You've found a way to make it interesting for people like me, so well done.
Best of luck.
I love your query and your opening. You have a strong voice and a strong sense of direction about where the story is going. In the query, I would suggest you add Dan's name to the opening line of the second paragraph so we know who he is:
"Dating to Brianna means finding out the man of her dreams, Dan, isn't actually human..."
Also, your second sentence is much stronger than your first in the opening chapter. Lead with that:
"Brianna Halloway had fallen for the wrong guy before. She'd been mixed up with married men, tangled in deceptive webs of womanizers and she'd even come across a few men that didn't know the proper way to treat a lady. But never in all her years had she come across anything supernatural. Dan was a first in that department. He was six feet three inches of his own brand of delicious evil."
I'll be voting later so check back to see if I comment on your entry again! Great work!
Great premise and your voice is so clear!
One thing you might want to look at is this sentence, it is very, very long! :
Dating to Brianna means finding out the man of her dreams isn't actually human and the family she believes is nothing short of ordinary actually harbors a secret curse from the days of the Salem witch trials which returns to haunt Brianna just like the ghost named Greer who shows up at every inopportune moment.
YOU HAVE MY VOTE!
What a great opening, very compelling. The query needs a bit more work as I don't feel it quite reflects the fun voice of the novel.
I was instantly intrigued with this entry. I love the premise--as well as your strong narrative voice. I'd love to request more of this to read.
Please send me the complete manuscript in an .rtf file, along with a synopsis, to submissions@carinapress.com. Address your query to my attention and indicate in your first sentence that you’re enclosing requested material from the GUTGAA pitch. In the subject line of your email, please type the manuscript's title, your pen name and the genre. All submissions will receive an auto-response acknowledging receipt. Please allow up to 16 weeks for a editorial response to your submission. We appreciate you patience while we give your project our careful consideration.
Best,
Mallory Braus
Editor, Carina Press
This sounds like a perfect fit for our Covet line at Entangled Publishing. I would love to read the synopsis and first three chapters. Please send them to theresa(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com
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