WOMEN'S FICTION/SUSPENSE/THRILLER
96,246 WORDS
ALEXA UNDERWOOD is going to uncover the truth.
A truth so dark, so sinister, that it will turn her world upside down.
But Alexa can see through the ruse; she can see that Thomas lacks compunction and will stop at nothing if it means money in his soiled pocket.
Alexa knew when she started unraveling Thomas’s shroud that she would be in danger. She just had no clue how much.
Alexa Underwood is going to uncover the truth. But she will have blood on her hands before it’s over.
CHAPTER ONE
God, it was hard to breathe.
Stinging, bitter smoke clawed at my nostrils, dragging me from a sleep so deep I could have been in a coma. My mouth was dry and full of cobwebs, and my tongue felt like an Eggo waffle that had been forgotten in the freezer sometime last year. At first I thought my lips had bits of paper glued to them. Then I realized it was just my skin, as it peeled away in curly little shreds from the tender tissue underneath. As the smoke seeped into my lungs, some corner of my groggy brain realized that whatever was burning smelled like rubber, or maybe plastic with a hint of kerosene. And it stank.
5 comments:
Great query and opening! I'm intrigued! If you sprinkle a few more details into the query though, I think that could only make it stronger. I loved the suspense it builds, but still felt a little uncertain about what I could expect from your story. Something that alludes to setting, a greater sense of time and place, would help.
I'll be voting later, so check back to see if you get another comment from me!
I've been back through all the entries and yours is really sticking with me. You have my vote!
I love this concept, but the query leaves me tripping over my thoughts. When you start with "Alexa Underwood is going to uncover the truth," I think she's an investigator... or, you know... someone who purposefully goes out and investigates things. Then I find out she's one of many women who have been kidnapped/collected/etc, and her quest to "find out the truth" sounds more like a quest to escape captivity, and the fact that she'll have blood on her hands is more the expected actions of someone desperate for freedom than a determined sleuth/vigilante.
I still dig it, and would definitely read on. This is a very original premise that sounds like the start of something awesome.
YOU HAVE MY VOTE!
What an exciting opening, it totally sucked me in. The concept is very interesting as well. Great job!
Wow, this is very compelling. I like how you setup the novel. "My mouth was dry and full of cobwebs, and my tongue felt like an Eggo waffle that had been forgotten in the freezer sometime last year." Greatness! You've got my vote!!!
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