They walked into the house. It was dark and deserted.Boring! People walk into dark empty houses every day. Reader puts the book down... Even if they all died, it would probably be from boredom! Though the above is an extreme bad-case scenario of a poor setting--all tell and no show--many new and some experienced writers forget the need to enhance a scene from the very beginning, eager to get to the action. But a truly good writer remembers...
Every opening sentence should tell a story in itself.
And here's my little ol' advice for setting a stimulating scene...
1) Who are they? -- Names or Descriptions of the group are always a better opening than a pronoun, especially for a new scene or chapter.
The twins and their two new friends...
Already more interesting!
2) How do they feel? -- Are they Happy? Hopeful? Anxious? Annoyed? Afraid? Curious? or What? And don't say it, show it with actions and expressions.
The twins and their two new friends crept up the stairs, cringing with every step...
3) What do they Hear? Taste? Feel? Smell? -- Immerse yourself in the scene and use all your senses. But notice, I didn't say "See?" yet. For now, Listen, Sniff, and Reach out!
The twins and their two new friends crept up the stairs, cringing with every squeaky step. Though the cleansing smell of fresh rain lingered in the air, the cool breeze made Kita shiver...
The twins and their two new friends crept up the stairs, cringing with every squeaky step. Though the cleansing smell of fresh rain lingered in the air, the cool breeze made Kita shiver. She peered over her shoulder as if sensing a presence behind her but saw only the overgrown bushes and full, leafy trees hiding the distant dirt road...
5) When is it? Is the time period a factor? Or just, what time of day is it?
The twins and their two new friends crept up the stairs, cringing with every squeaky step. Though the cleansing smell of fresh rain lingered in the air, the cool breeze made Kita shiver. She peered over her shoulder as if sensing a presence behind her but saw only the overgrown bushes and full, leafy trees hiding the distant dirt road and spreading long shadows as the sun dozed off.
6) What do they see? Now open the reader's eyes with little details that enhance and move the scene along.
The twins and their two new friends crept up the stairs, cringing with every squeaky step. The paint on the door was chipped, and dead leaves littered the porch. Though the cleansing smell of fresh rain lingered in the air, the cool breeze made Kita shiver. She peered over her shoulder as if sensing a presence behind her but saw only the overgrown bushes and full, leafy trees hiding the distant dirt road and spreading long shadows as the sun dozed off. Kita frowned.
Kan shook his head at his sister...
The twins and their two new friends crept up the stairs, cringing with every squeaky step. The paint on the door was chipped, and dead leaves littered the porch. Though the cleansing smell of fresh rain lingered in the air, the cool breeze made Kita shiver. She peered over her shoulder as if sensing a presence behind her but saw only the overgrown bushes and full, leafy trees hiding the distant dirt road and spreading long shadows as the sun dozed off. Kita frowned.
Kan shook his head at his sister and bounded up the last steps, flinging the door open. Darkness and a musty moan greeted them. They all held their breath. Kita knew the piece was there. It had to be.
I hope you enjoyed this mini lesson on Setting a Scene. Do you have any tips to share?
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Now, here's my SHOUT OUT of the WEEK!
This observant Mama spins a wicked funny yarn as the author of precocious MG and picture books, as well as on her blog the Mama Diaries. She's got so many stories to share! Her latest picture book was released earlier this year: DON'T FEED THE ELEPHANT. And her first Middle Grade book comes out Sept 4th: BUBBA AND SQUIRT'S BIG DIG TO CHINA. Pre-Order here. Then she's off to do some school visits, bringing creative teacher resources they can use. She's been a busy Mama!
Keep Writing! and Have a great week!
